A Grate Day To Eat Cheese

I'm having a week off... and of course that means binge watching things! So many options, but thanks to All4 I've been watching The IT Crowd. My only issue with All4 is that you have to put up with adverts like you were watching it live... seriously... why?!

If it hadn't been for these adverts though I wouldn't have seen the following one...


Well done Cathedral City... I couldn't agree more!

Watching Mock The Week the other day I saw John Robins do a bit about health. In it he talks about getting test results back that say he's got gout. The doctor says he should avoid eating cheese and his response is "what the fuck mate?" This is the correct response. This was essentially my response when I got an allergy test back and saw that cheese was in the no go zone.

As stated in the advert, there are some very important rules when it comes to cheese... cheese should be loved, worshipped and binge eaten until your stomach aches.

Hot cheese is the best cheese. Cheese fondue, cheese on toast, cheese scones, cheesy pizza, mozzarella sticks... all of these things are better piping hot. As is tradition though, you will know that it's hot, but your brain will tell you it'll be okay if you blow on it for a second or two... it will not be... you will burn your mouth... but it will be worth it.

No grate dilemma. I hate grating cheese, I always end up nearly slicing off a finger or at least getting a nail. Like the advert says though, you can't ignore that last little piece. You can't grate it without losing a significant chunk of flesh so the only sensible option is to stuff it in your mouth and pretend like it never existed. If other people are grating the cheese, you have to hover... they of course get dibs on that last piece, but all crumbles are fair game.

Don't resist a crispy bit. One of the perks of being an only child is that when I go home for meals I still get dibs on the first serving of any dinner. This rule isn't just applicable the cheesy things, although cheesy crispy things are the best crispy things. If you don't pick the section of the dish with the crispiest edges or toastiest top then I honestly don't think we can be friends. That being said... if you ever take the crispiest bit before me then we have a serious problem.

There is no guilt. If people didn't want the cheese eaten then they wouldn't put it out on a plate. Never feel guilty about going back and eating more. If someone misses out you just have to say... "you snooze you loose", preferably as you push the last morsel of cheese into your mouth.

If in doubt, add more cheese. Normally I would say that there is no such thing as too much cheese... I did unfortunately learn to my peril that this is in fact untrue... it was a sad day indeed. But if you find yourself tasting something with cheese in and thinking, "hmm what does this need?" I will guarantee you that the answer nine times out of ten will be "it needs more cheese". My general suggestion would be a handful.

Eat the cheesiest. I always look like I'm not hungry, or pacing myself, when there's food about. This is not the case, I'm being strategic... It's like playing a game of Kerplunk. If you're eating anything cheesy with friends, chips or nachos being the prime examples, you want to make sure that you trick them into eating the cheeseless sections. Yes I'm that devious. Be subtle about it... pick bits from their side when they aren't paying attention. There may be cheese underneath but the cheesiest bits will be on the top so you need to try and get as much of it as you can. Try coinciding food arrival with when it's their turn to get a round in. Top tip: When picking a particularly cheese heavy nacho, pick it up by a cheese covered section, there's nothing more devastating than coming away with just the nacho.

Hmm... is anyone else feeling peckish?

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