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Showing posts from May, 2014

My Life As An Action Hero

Below are some of my handy hints and life lessons for a life as an action hero.

Day To Day Work Life

At the start of a case you should always be drunk. You never have to worry because they'll give you coffee and a bottle of aspirin that you'll down like candy. This will solve all drink related issues.Retirement is hazardous to your health, if you want to survive, tell no one when you're leaving.You'll never have to use a bathroom for urination purposes. If you enter a bathroom it will more than likely be to bandage wounds. While your gaze is averted you will probably be attacked by a baddie.If you're not near retirement then no one will work with you, you'll have been suspended or dismissed from the case because you threatened someone important. But this wont stop you working on it.You will wear the same outfit throughout the entire investigation, it will change colour frequently to show just how tough your day has been.You will never turn on a light to search a…

It's My Party And I'll Die If I Want To

Researchers have a lot to answer for. According to Swiss researchers you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day. For the sake of honesty I should say that people think that's a bit high for various reasons. But, even taking into account the margin for error the chance is still greater.

There's no definitive way of saying why but here are some of the possibilities.

🎂 People who are close to death "hang on" for their birthday. It's certainly plausible, I've heard lots of stories of people close to death holding on just long enough to see their family. Could it be that they want one last happy memory?

🎂 Suicide is higher on birthdays. It can be an emotional day for many reasons and sadly not everyone can cope with that.

🎂 A greater number of accidents happen... there was no more information on this one so I've taken the liberty of making some assumptions...


People will probably throw caution to the wind on their birthday so my first…

Twictionary

I read an article in The Bookseller about how Collins have decided to add "words" to their dictionary. I say "words" because they're finding them on Twitter. It feels like a bit of a gimmick to me, although I'm not sure what they are looking to achieve from it. I'm fairly dependent on social media and out of the nine words I've only heard of two [three-ish]. Who is using them so much that they have come up as possible new dictionary words?!

So here are the words and their definitions as picked by Collins...

Adorkable - dorky in an adorable way.
Fatberg - a large mass of solid waste, grease etc, clogging a sewage system.
Gaybourhood - gay friendly neighbourhood.
Duckface - the traditional pouting facial expression in selfies.
Felfie - a farmer selfie.
Nomakeupselfie - a selfie of a woman without make-up, posted online to raise awareness for a charity.
Vaguebooking - posting deliberately vague status updates on social media to prompt a response.
Euromaidan - …

The Fact Of The Matter

Today I read the following...

Nutella, the nutty chocolate spread, is turning 50. Last year some 365 million kilos were consumed - roughly the weight of the Empire State Building.
Is there some kind of database for this? A compilation of famous monument statistics for when you need to compare to something so that people really understand what you're talking about.

Here are some London Eye related facts...


The London Eye can carry 800 passengers in one revolution - equivalent to 11 London double decker buses.Each of the 32 capsules weighs 10 tonnes, to put that figure in perspective, it's the same weight as 1,052,631 pound coins. [I kid you not, the website actually thought 1,052,631 pound coins would be perspective.]Each rotation takes about 30 minutes, meaning a capsule travels at 26cm per second or 0.6 miles per hour - twice as fast as a tortoise sprinting.The total weight of the wheel and capsules is 2,100 tonnes - or as much as 1,272 London black cabs.

I'm quite upset th…

Conversations With My Gut

I've been thinking a lot about gut instinct, that feeling of "I don't know, something just doesn't feel right." Evidently [and it may not be a 100% accurate figure], the brain takes in approximately 11 million bits of information per second, but we are only aware of 40. Which is incredible. It is frequently said that we don't use anywhere near enough of our brain [now that is up for some debate online so I'm just going with the fact that we ourselves don't use it to its best ability and not our body]. It makes lovely sense that we're unconsciously using the rest of it to process all that other data.

It's processing it in the background while you go about dealing with the 40 bits you need. So your brain has picked your 40 essentials and let you have them, then takes the other bits that are "irrelevant" and plays with them while you're doing your mundane 40.

Last year I stopped to let someone cross the road and a lorry sailed into …

Awkward Relaxation

I had the overwhelming urge to relax. Peace and quiet is never an option with our neighbours, so with aching feet and a new bubble bath I decided wallowing in hot water was the way to go.

So do I feel relaxed and ache free? The answer is a resounding no. I remember why I very rarely have baths these days.

Who designs these things? I'm about 5'9" with an ample behind [due to chocolate and genetics], and there is no comfortable way to lay in a tub. If I want my legs to be warm everything from my rib cage up gets cold. If I want my shoulders to be warm then my knees and the majority of my legs are cold. Of course I can contort myself and lay on my front, but then my feet freeze and my back arches so much it hurts. I am by no means a tall person so it begs the question... does everyone taller than me have a Jacuzzi hot tub bath or do they just never relax?

At home we always used to have quite a large tub, I felt like I could swim from one end to the other... I couldn't of…

Euromania

So last night the European wing of Twitter went into overdrive. Eurovision is an institution. As a family we get together, grab a take away and then shout at the screen and do our own in-house voting. So here's a bit of a recap from our household discussions.

Ukraine > Am I the only one waiting for a rolling accident with that giant hamster wheel? Bit breathy 6/10
Belarus > Song entitles Cheesecake. Annoying catchy with Jedward hair. 7/10
Azerbaijan > Subtitles for the interpretive trapeze dancing would be good. 6/10
Iceland > Band dressed like a hoard of teletubbies with fantastic facial hair. Fantastic 10/10
Norway > Not really Eurovision, bit "just-broken-up-moody". 7/10
Romania > Avicii mixed with the Black Eyed Peas. 8/10
Armenia > Comedian turned singer. Too much dull surrounding the one good bit. 6/10
Montenegro > Bit of Winter Olympic skating round the stage. His teeth were too off putting to listen. 5/10
Poland > Basically porn on stag…

Voldermort & Other Forbidden Words

Every time I see something in the news about people getting irate about someone saying something that's considered generally offensive it makes me sad. It shouldn't be what they've said but how they've said it that you should take offense to. If something is said without aggression, just genuinely put in a conversation without meaning to be rude, then why would you take it any other way?

My friends and I often use bad language with each other, but never with any malice. There's always a sarcastic tone or a too obvious dead pan face that comes with it. We know we don't mean it. [Of course this excludes the times when you secretly mean it but don't want to upset them.]

I over heard a conversation between some older ladies about a guy's t-shirt. "How rude!" "What is?" "That young man's t-shirt says f*** on it." They proceed to discuss how appalling this was, whilst using the actual word itself. It got to a certain point an…

Waste Not, Want A Lot

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When does being frugal become a waste of money?

I always try to be sensible about things. I'm not going to say I don't waste money... that would quite simply be a lie. I like to enjoy myself and I like gadgets... I like to have those treats every now and then and they aren't very frugal!

When I shop online I always check Amazon and eBay, but that's usually where my search stops for general items. I'm quite cautious about using websites that I've not heard of, if I don't know someone who's used it and it's not a mainstream site then I go with what I know. How much of my time would I spend researching it to check it's safe before I entrust my card details to it?

I work with books and my staff discount is really good, which is handy as I prefer a physical book, but shopping is more complicated now.


Check it through work.Go to Amazon and check it there, but I have to remember that it has to be £10 for free delivery. "I hope I have enough in my b…

Error Memory Not Found

Don't you just hate forgetting something that you thought was fantastic?! Earlier today I had something even more annoying...

"Oh my god Emma, remember that genius idea you had earlier?!"
"Yes I do remember a genius idea brain... but wait... what was it exactly?"
"Mwohahahaha!"
*Brain runs away and hides in the dark recesses of my skull with the genius idea*

I keep telling myself that when I get an idea I need to write it down, and I did for a while. I am almost certain that today's idea occurred to me while I was getting into the shower and I didn't want to delay my day by scurrying soggy-footed to my notepad. I'd love to say that "it'll come to me later", but statistically the odds are against me. I would estimate that this only happens about 10% of the time.

I'm sure it was a fantastic idea which is why I KNEW I wouldn't forget. I've even had a break in writing this, completely moving it from my brain to think …