Senior Moments

At a certain age you begin to have those odd moments, moments where you're not sure what you were doing or... what was I saying?

If you haven't had a senior moment yet, don't worry, it'll be hiding for you around a corner of life. It waits in the darkness, waiting to jump out at you. Usually it'll strike at you sometime after you've felt the urge to use the phrase "kids these days" or "back when I was a child". It's a slow spiral!

I'm forgetful, and the following things sum up a fair amount of what I forget... well, probably... there might be others, but I forget.

Where did I put things?

There is a zone in your home that acts like a blackhole, it sucks in anything that you leave unattended just before you will desperately need them. Sometimes you'll put something down, turn away for just a second... and it's gone.

Every time I prepare to go out I have my mantra, "keys, phone, purse", usually recited while I pat pockets. I figure those are the only really important things to make sure I have when I leave the house.

I've yet to find the perfect way to guarantee I'll have all of the things... you'd think it'd be a simple as leaving them all in the same. One day though, you run in the door because you need the toilet... the phone is ringing... you need to rush the ice cream to the freezer... and that's when your system goes to pot!

Did I do the thing?

The classics are all around us, there's a split second when you're not sure if you've done something... in that second you have to have the courage to commit to whether you did or not, for your own sanity.

Did you shut the windows? Did you turn off your straighteners? Did I take my pills? Did you lock the door? Did you remember to brush your teeth? Confession time... I keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in my desk drawer, because if I do my morning routine in the wrong order I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. Double confession time... the last time I went away on holiday I text my mum to tell her I had just locked the front door so that she could reassure me there was nothing to worry about when I panicked... luckily I don't use straighteners.

What was I saying?

The dreaded half sentence, don't you just hate it when... wait, what was I saying?

I have lost the opportunity to tell many great stories, with fantastic moral messages, because I got halfway through and suddenly lost my train of thought... oh well... better luck next time.

What's the word?

You know, the thingy, the oojima-flip. Oh come on! You know what I mean, the wotsit?!

Life really laughs at us on these days. How can I simultaneously forget the name, and every decent descriptive term for the thing??! It's like our cells have decided to selectively forget every connected memory to the central item. And as if old age wasn't bad enough, the word will probably pop into your head in the middle of the night, when it's least useful and keep you awake.

What did I come in for?

That header isn't technically accurate. I go to the supermarket needing to buy three things, and I come out with three things, they just aren't the three things I wanted. But no one makes a list for just three things (well, I might, but not every time), My usual trick is forgetting the one really important thing that you can't get in the little express supermarkets.

Although my worst senior moment in a supermarket did not involve forgetting to purchase something... and I will punctuate this with the fact that I had gone to the supermarket while I was sick for medicine. I only lived a five minute walk from the local Tesco Express but I knew the walk was going to do me in, so I hopped in the car and went down there. I trudged round getting some pills and potions, as well as some feel good food and then I headed home... on foot. I got half way home before remembering I'd brought the car and had to go back for it.

Where did I put my glasses?

They're on your head... generally always on your head. Don't bother having a dedicated place to put them down, I've got a space by the front door... and occasionally they make it there... but more often I spend ten minutes searching for them everywhere else.

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So that's just a few of my favourite senior moments, I'm sure you guys experience your own... but if you haven't had one yet, just wait, it'll come to you when you least expect it. Just when you're getting to the great moral point of a story.

Anyway, that's me done for the evening, I'm off to bed... wait, did I leave the oven on?