Eurovision 2017 | Ukraine
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| Celebrate Diversity |
I have to wonder about the choice to not have any totty presenting. The second semi where they play the piccolo and the accordion... well... what can I say? But the group were amazing... at this point I haven't seen the Ukrainian entry, but I'd have voted for this lot. And they did my favourite song, Fairytale.
As a general observation, there are a lot of teeth this year.
Finalists
Armenia - Fly With Me
Please stop the jumpy camera angles! Another perfectly fine song, but that's all I can really say about it... apart from I would like a pair of her trousers. But not spectacular.
Australia - Don't Come Easy
X-Factor winner. Should be good. They love treadmills this year! He must be talented and he hasn't missed a beat, but it's not a showstopper. Oh no... what was that high note?! I would have quite liked making that video of myself flapping in the background.
Austria - Running On Air
I'm getting an Ed Sheeran vibe. It's nice, I like this one, it's making me smile. He's a cheeky little wotsit! I like how it's simple, it doesn't need a lot of nonsense to make it a good song... well, apart from a giant crescent moon.
Azerbaijan - Skeletons
I like everything about the staging of this... apart from the odd horse headed man. Has she got any idea how difficult it is to get chalk off black clothes? I really like this one, but again, not a showstopper.
Belarus - Story Of My Life
A hovercraft ship? I'm getting an almost Disney feel from this one. Again nice, I think I'm getting a bit cynical right now.
Belgium - City Lights
Oh, who does she remind me of?! Oh, she's all alone in the danger zone... hearing Archer in my head right now. This feels like a clubby song that has had it's background music turned down. I'm waiting for a big eruption and for something to happen... will it ever come? No.
Bulgaria - Beautiful Mess
He's got a fantastic voice. Another one that deserves to do well. But I'm not convinced it's a winner.
Croatia - My Friend
Oh I get it. His left hand side is pop and the right hand side is opera. I'm not sure the two go together to make a good song though. The pop singing with the classical-esque instruments would have worked better. Although pop side... a silver fingerless glove?
Cyprus - Gravity
Another X-Factor contestant. Good beat... oh, and that smile. This is another one that's got me bopping in my seat. I like it. Although if acts could stop using effects that set of my vertigo that would be great.
Denmark - Where I Am
Another consistent song. I like the lyrics and the tune, but I'm still not feeling wowed by anything really. I'm still waiting for a wild card to appear.
France - Requiem
The reflection in her eyes makes me think that she might actually be part alien, it's freaky. Another passable song. It is actually putting me off that she's switching languages.
Germany - Perfect Life
Well damn, this one is okay. Impressive writing credits too. I'm not sure it's quite a kick ass as some of the others though.
Greece - This Is Love
"Two fit blokes in a paddling pool". Sold! Great singer, maybe a few too many forevers there. I'm glad it got a bit more funky, but still not feeling it. Yep, two blokes in a paddling pool. I can't help looking at her jaw moving off at an angle every time she opens it wide.
Hungary - Origo
I like the different styles in this one. But I can't find anything much else to say about it.
Israel - I Feel Alive
Someone get him the rest of his boy band, they've run off. Not all the way there. Oh, that wink! I feel like the music needs something else in it, it's like we're listening to presets on a electronic keyboard. I wouldn't be too annoyed if this did well.
Italy - Occidentali's Karma
He does love flapping his hands around. I just wish I knew what he was singing about... subtitles are taking the piss and are in Italian... that doesn't help me. Why does he have a gorilla?
Moldova - Hey Mamma
"Signature leg move". I can't help but like it. I'm tapping my foot. Is it supposed to resemble a Bond gun barrel background? I have to agree though, it doesn't look like he's playing that sax. That violinist is cheeky and I like it. Damn it... this is the only one so far that's got me excited.
The Netherlands - Lights And Shadows
More magical boobs. I feel like their outfits are modelled on 60s/70s air hostess uniforms that have been bedazzled. They're a nice group, it's not giving me that happy feeling inside, but I can see it doing well.
Norway - Grab The Moment
It's interesting. Is the light up mask a vague tribute to Daft Punk? I've still got a little tap going on, but I wouldn't be happy if this one won over something else. It is different though, so you never know how it might go.
Poland - Flashlight
Has a shelter for dogs? She's a good 'un. She's almost in that dress. I don't object to this song, it's nice. Again, another consistent one. This is probably one of my favourites
Portugal - Amar Pelos Dois
Having his own little platform? I find it almost impossible to watch him sing. I have no words... I really don't know how this got through.
Romania - Yodel It!
Yodelling and rap? Him rapping good, her yodelling good... her singing not good, she kind of seems like she's going for a Shakira vibe but I don't enjoy it. The cartoony background isn't really to my liking either. I was quite glad to iPlayer that it kept cutting out during this one.
Spain - Do It For Your Lover
I'm sorry but all I could hear when this started was Travie McCoy's Billionaire... and for me to get that it must be really similar. So I'm automatically out on this one.
Sweden - I Can't Go On
Starts backstage. A nice suit. Could have sprung for some better shoes for his backing dancers. Not sure about the half man bun on one of them. The song is okay, I just can't help but think it would be a chart topper if it had a good singer. I can't wait to see what disasters comes from the tread mills.
Ukraine - Time
I think I'm just done with music now. Do I like it? Don't I? I really can't tell, it could be a Lordi sensation. That skull has frickin' laser beams in it's frickin' head.
United Kingdom - Never Give Up On You
It's lovely. First time in ages I've actually liked our own entry. Proper goosebumps voice. She really does deserve to win.
My Selection
So, after some deliberating I've got three countries I'd like to see win... Moldova, The Netherlands or the United Kingdom. I'd be upset if they didn't make it into the top five.
The Results
This show was good, although I was disappointed that there weren't any really off the wall acts. We were "treated" to a bare bottom, who was quickly tackled by security, but kudos to Jamala for keeping her cool and singing on without letting it phase her.
Now I'm just waiting for what will no doubt be an annoying voting process filled with wacky hairdos and strange outfits.
I'm already annoyed that the first 12 points went to Portugal. This is going in a terrible direction so far. Did we all listen to the same songs?! I need the have my faith restored by the public vote.
Nope, you've all disappointed me too...
Portugal
At least Moldova came third.
Non-finalists
Albania - Modelled her outfit off a disco ball. Someone should have told her she doesn't need to use her hands all the time. She's got a strong voice, but the non-shouty notes don't sound right. And the oooo-ing... really? She's got a set of lungs on her.
Czech Republic - That's a lot of bronze material. It just feels like she isn't trying those high notes, if she can't do them, why put them in? It's a no from me, it's all over the place.
Estonia - I feel like I'm watching half of Bros. This second semi final is definitely better all round. Good songs.
Finland - I've listened to almost half of this song and I don't really know what to say. It's not bad, it's not great, I suppose that's why it didn't get through.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - This is quite a good one, another one that seems like it should have got through, nothing wrong with it.
Georgia - I'm getting flashback of Kate Bush, anyone else? She said spread your wings and crossed her arms... that contradiction annoyed me! It feels a bit Bond-y theme tune. Shame she didn't make it through, it's a nice song.
Iceland - How is she still in that outfit? Tit tape working its hardest there. Not sure about the boots though. This is a nice song though, sung really well.
Ireland - Born the last time Ireland won?! God I feel old. I can't place that voice with that body. I can't place what is odd about this one.
Latvia - This is the sort of daft we're used to! Zooey Deschanel mixed with Katy Perry (although I'm aware they are basically the same person), and an outfit made of the strips of film negatives you used to get once you'd had your reel of photos developed. I was so distracted I forgot to listen to the song!
Lithuania - I hate it when I leave my pen in my hair like that and no one tells me! What are they aiming for with this one? The more aggressive part of the song was great, but the beginning didn't really do a lot for me.
Malta - Dear god how do these people have such flawless skin?! This is a beautiful song. I feel like the only thing it's missing are some real belter moments. This to me has Eurovision winner written on it. Another one that makes me wonder how it didn't get through. Only one that gave me goosebumps.
Montenegro - Got to listen to the words evidently. He's rocking a clip on ponytail and a blue skirt that I would kill for. Maybe not the spangly pants though. What am I watching?! Is he deliberately thrusting there? And why is he throwing his plait around like that?! Excuse me while I laugh a lot. I feel like he was a finalist for Big Brother.
San Marino - This is a good head bopping one. I'm quite sad that some of these aren't making it through considering some of the nonsense that did. Although them laughing in the song felt really awkward.
Serbia - The tune is reminiscent of a chart song (those of you who know me will know I'm terrible at remembering songs though, so that's the best you get). I love that dress, maybe not with a sheet skirt though. She's got a strong voice, I'm not sure how this didn't get through. I'm checking the scorecard again because I can't believe it. Hopefully that just means this semi was really strong.
Slovenia - I feel like there's a lot of rhyming in this one. I could see this one in a show. I'm not sure the higher notes are for him though.
Switzerland - Again, another one that doesn't annoy me. Good singer, no random nonsense on the stage, but no wow.
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