Twas The Night Before Christmas...

... when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In the hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

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Christmas is here again, the time for food and drink in excess. And a time, as is tradition with my friends, to exchange tacky Christmas presents.

Over the years there have been many gloriously awful purchases. I missed the opportunity to give "Santa Cruz" baubles from Paperchase, a less than festive Santa on a cruise ship. Unfortunately they broke the budgetary requirements.

Christmas tacky presents only have a few rules:

• Collectively you must spend under £5.
• They must be Christmas themed.
• To be tacky, they can't really be useful.

The last one is really difficult to fulfil as we tend to try and make them useful out of spite... I know this means we might not win, but it also means the recipient tries to use them to prove they're not tacky, and that means photographic evidence that can be used against them at some time in the future. (Like the very festive picture of me in a santa apron that adorns our Christmas WhatsApp group.)

One year I brought whistling robins that were set off by movement. Not massively tacky but the joy I had hiding them in people's rooms scaring the life out of them when they went in was reward enough.

This year I've done some crafting and made a couple of snowmen. They are completely useless. I also purchased a gravy boat, hideous but unfortunately useful.

My best purchase was before the £5 rule was instigated. I brought a mechanical light up snowman. It was a couple of feet high and when plugged in its head rotated from side to side. As if that wasn't bad enough, this one was broken. Instead of the smooth motion... left to right, right to left... it juddered with a terrifying sound. It was truly a demonic snowman and my favourite tacky present purchase.