I Love It

Buzzfeed had a feature "19 Important Struggles Only Marmite Lovers Will Understand" [if you click that link please do come back here after!]. Number one on the list really does sum it up... never get anyone else to make your marmite on toast unless you've given them specific instructions and supervised them at least once!

Since I can remember my family and I have gone to a little cafe in our local shopping centre. It used to be a sort of tradition. We'd get to the car park early to get a space that wasn't six floors up and then go to the cafe for breakfast before the shops opened. I remember going there and having a strawberry milkshake but I can't for the life of me remember what I ate... I guess it's just something about those Crusha milkshakes!

When I got to a certain age where my parents were uncool, and all I wanted to do was stay in my room, we stopped going. At that point there was only so much shopping I could do in Marks and Spencer with my parents so it was really a necessity to change my shopping habits.

It's very rare I'm up that early to shop there anymore, with so many different places open now and online shopping, variety is my dilemma. I do still go to the same shopping centre though on occasion... and when I manage to get my feet in gear I'm there to have breakfast in that same cafe. Nowadays I have something that would rival a banquet on my plate, whereas I think before it was probably scrambled egg on toast or a sausage sandwich.

I was meeting a friend and arrived earlier that expected so I took up a seat to look at the menu. As with some of my favourite places I did actually look at the menu but my eyes just scanned the blank gaps between the words as I knew what I was having. Hunger pangs had hit though and I was still going to have to wait for 15 minutes... the only sensible thing to do was to order some toast to tide me over. I looked to the toast section of the menu (you know, just in case they've changed toast since the last time I had it). Sitting at the bottom of the menu... Marmite on toast. I was sold... "one round of Marmite on toast please."

As I've said... NEVER let anyone who doesn't know how, make your Marmite on toast. NEVER! What appeared at the table made me want to weep into my orange juice [that's the grown up choice of beverage for adults... I have it because it balances out the fry up I have... it does and I won't hear another word on the matter!]. The plate in front of me broke every rule that I ever learnt about Marmite. I knew the toast was going to be underdone, it always is but that was the only unsurprising thing on the plate.

I was presented with two slices of toast cut in half. Butter in a large round and already vanished patch in the middle. Marmite pre-spread... thickly and uneven, they make those little prepacked Marmite servings for a reason... use them! I said thank you, but there was an ever so slight question mark at the end of that. I ended up having to sandwich the pieces together and try to match the blank patches on one piece with the sludgy pieces on another. That was the one and only time I have ever hated Marmite.

Sorry, I lie... Marmite chocolate was an abomination.

I'm a bit particular about things... I know! It's not at all obvious is it!?! Here's my guide to perfect Marmite on toast, for those times when you have to make it for me!

• White bread.
• Toast cooked to a light brown, no white bits of bread showing... it should be cooked until the lightest colour is light brown, but no black. It's tough, you might have to rotate the toast mid way.
• Butter. Now, I'm not supposed to have butter so olive oil spread is what I currently use... but make no mistake, the best Marmite on toast is with real butter.
• The toast needs to have cooled a bit so that not all the butter melts in straight away.
• Spread the butter to the very edges of the bread.
• Marmite should then be applied to give a light marbled effect... if the bread is too dark you wont know when this has been achieved.

My top tip for those new to the Marmite experience would be this... never leave it until the last minute to buy a new jar. There is nothing worse than getting to the bottom of the jar, you've scraped the last visible bit of Marmite and then realise there isn't enough for the perfect slice.