Get Your Party Spirit Ready

Those of you who know me know that I love Eurovision... see last year's post for the proof. It's a cheesy delight of awkward hosts and lots of performers being interviewed who don't fully understand what's going on. But truly, my favourite part is the presenter. I was always dedicated to Terry and was devastated when he left, but as it turns out Graham Norton was an excellent replacement.

Last night there was a semi-final on, but I can't watch either one, I can't ruin the special event. Usually I get a collection of food that is bad for me, a take away and bed in to watch the hilarity.

So here are my top tips and essentials for an evening with Eurovision...

• Make sure you have a notepad and pen handy... maybe that's just me! Pre-list the countries in order of performance. You want to leave room for a comment on the best and worst bits, the most ridiculous comment from Graham and your score out of ten.
• With scoring, remember to pace yourself! I try and break it down by these criteria if I'm having trouble. 4 for song. 2 for catchiness. 2 for outfits. 2 for performance. This is Eurovision after all... it doesn't matter if you like the way they look if you want to be deaf when you listen to them. Also note that average just doesn't cut it, gorgeous dresses and fantastic suits get 2 points... but wildly inappropriate costumes with giant accessories may also get 2 points.
• Use subtitles, the foreign language songs are usually translated.
• Peeing needs to be done at strategic points. Really, if you can, hold it. Minimal liquids and nothing that might effect digestion like curry. Really there is no good tie to pee during Eurovision... you WILL miss something good. If you must go during then go when they hit the green room, that's the most painful bit to watch and it won't be anything more than awkward comedy.
• When you choose your own winner... make two lists. One for what you WANT to win. One for what you THINK will win.
• When voting starts, remember to stay calm. Block voting annoys everyone, just boo appropriately. It is also acceptable [and usually reflex] to join in with the French translations of numbers and country names. After all, it's probably the only time some of us use French after school.
• Mockery of the hosts is of course acceptable and expected... although... Conchita is kind of awesome.

The other thing I've been looking at is drinking games... some aren't brave enough, and others... well I think people might die from that much alcohol.

I'd probably go with...

Take a drink when Graham makes an innuendo about a performer's boobs.

Take a drink when a performance has pyrotechnics.

Take a drink when an entrant is wearing some kind of national dress.

Down a drink when the UK gets 12 points.

Take a drink when something doesn't make sense [dance moves, random mime for example]

You know what? I keep thinking of loads more, normally you have to drink for something daft but everything is daft about Eurovision... don't do it... it could be deadly.

As much as having the contest back in the UK would be amazing I'm not holding out much hope for it being this year. Our entry... I'm going to try and say positive things about it... Its got a catchy rhythm. Aaaaaaannnnnnd I'm done. They've picked up a good style for the song, retro is in, Bruno Mars has been making mega bucks off retro. But there's so much unnecessary rhyming that you end up waiting to see what they're going to rhyme with the words. And apart from the fact they're still in love with each other the only other thing I can remember is that there are sneezes and diseases.

So now for the most important bit... what am I going to get to eat? Normally it would be Chinese, but the local one is abysmal and I can't handle bad food on such an important night. Maybe hot dogs, maybe pizza... definitely chocolate and popcorn.