Very British Problems

Basic queueing rule number one, from a website that seems to have now disappeared about bizarre Britain.

It's just not cricket to queue jump. You proceed in the order in which the line formed. Failure to stick to the unspoken rules could result in severe tutting.

Today I witnessed the most British of dilemmas, that ended in the most British of ways.

Our local Philpotts [sandwich shop along the lines of Coughlans for you Londoners] recently had a mini refurbishment. This sent it from being a busy but relatively sensible layout to every professional British queuer's nightmare. To queue at any of the four different areas of the shop you pretty much have to be standing in the same place, even if you want to get a quick pre-packed sandwich you have to go directly thought the centre of the shop and these four queues.

It's awful, but there aren't any other places that close to get lunch on a Monday. So I pootled round the corner, and the place was packed. I joined the sandwich queue and quickly noticed a woman who was showing no queue affiliation. She was standing next to, but not in, our queue. The reaction to what happened next was fantastic.

The server called for the next customer and this hovering woman jumped in with her order. The guy who was in front of me [and actually next] cough-laughed and another woman at the counter turned round and with a look of mock horror pointed out that the man had been waiting longer than her. But no, "I've was in the queue after these ladies."

Being British of course we all accepted this. We all exchanged looks of "can you believe her?" and "what a cheek!" When she finally tried to leave the counter all she got we disapproving looks and no one would move out of her way, even the salad queue came out in solidarity.

It was fantastic to watch, it was like a perfectly choreographed scene on a comedy show. We tutted that skanky queue jumper into a night of British guilt nightmares.

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