The Things We Say While Watching... Jurassic Park

I was watching Jurassic Park the other day and wondered to myself how these characters actually manage to make it through an entire film, this turned the viewing into an entire conversation about the absurd things that happen.

My first question is, why would you make a cage to transfer a dangerous dinosaur that requires it to be attached to the other cage and then someone manually lifts the gate from the top? I'm sure we had that sort of technology even back then, but if we didn't, why would you not lower the cage in with a crane then bring it out or just release it?

What is that annoying little kid doing on the dig anyway? He deserves to get the crap scared out of him.

I can't believe they don't know who Hammond is... would you not do some research on the guy who is funding your dig?

When exactly did bank transfers come in instead of giant bags full of money?

"We're going to make a fortune with this place?" Ha, haven't you watched the film before pal?! Only if you kill them all now and turned them into dino-burgers!

Sure Henry is all smiles now... he'll turn on you in three films time, it's always the quiet ones!

A sign that says caution keep windows up... if you're already alongside the enclosure isn't it a bit late to say that?

"Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the Earth." Ha, totally stole the scene there.

Wait, wait, how is that goat there? The T-Rex walks out of his enclosure but when the car goes over the edge it falls a long way... Have they based the park on an Escher design?

Grant, how are you not getting pissed that Malcolm is hitting on your girl?!

No locking mechanisms... I don't even drive through Croydon with my doors unlocked.

Look at that swagger on Malcolm, damn he's cool.

Do you think she's sexy now Malcolm, when she's elbow deep in dino-doo-doo?

The rude and obnoxious tech guy is being nice and offering to get people things? This doesn't make you suspicious?

If you're going to try and make a daring escape after a theft you'd think that you would plan better and have memorised the route out!

It's a shame the T-Rex doesn't have theme music like Jaws does.

Well that's one way to die on a toilet.

Does anyone else think the T-Rex is just a big arsehole cat...

I don't understand who wants these dinosaur samples. Surely it's a big secretive project that you'd want to keep hidden from other labs... hmm... unless Dennis went to the other labs... damn now I've opened up a whole other storyline to think about.

Considering that Grant doesn't like children, he does quite well when he's persuading Tim out of that car.

"Well, we're back in the car again." Damn that kid gets some good lines.

I love how Malcolm's shirt somehow came open... it might have been believable if it had been ripped.

That's it, look at the tremors in the puddle, because there's no other way to tell a dinosaur is coming!

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear... no shit Sherlock.

I don't care how old I am... I will always laugh at a doyouthinkhesaurus joke.

Okay people... when Saddler sits down at that table she stretches out and is nowhere near any of the tubs... so how does she manage to reach the spoon in that nearest tub? And why would she not sit next to Hammond anyway?

"God bless you." This kid is killing it!

How does sniffing the shell help?

Malcolm is definitely just there for his sex appeal. "Draw me like one of your French girls."

I keep expecting them to see a polar bear and some "Others".

The kids came for the dinosaurs, the Dads came for the dinosaurs, the Mums came for Jeff Goldblum.

Oh the old electric fence trick... bravo Grant, bravo.

I love how much drama went into pressing that green button. *long dramatic pause* "Push it."

"Oh you thought everything was going well? Surprise! I was hiding behind the pipes all the time!"

She seems to have forgotten there were three of them, so that's one down and no sign of Muldoon... but yeah, you stop outside for a rest instead of running.

"Unless they figured out how to open doors." Cursed it!

That seems like a very unhygienic place to hang utensils.

What was the velociraptor standing on to poke it's head through the ceiling tiles if when Grant kicks it, it falls into an open space of floor?

Impressive, the T-Rex has learnt how to sneak... there were obviously no puddles for the raptors to look at.

That last roar in the visitors centre translates to "Yeah bitches!"

And they all lived happily ever after... until the next film.

The End.


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