Inside The Lair Of Doctor Shadow: A Villain & Home Exclusive

Some of you might remember Doctor Shadow from his heyday of evil villainy. After nearly 20 years dedicated service to his evil ways, Doctor Shadow took a well deserved break from his arch enemy status to pursue his dream to become a family man.

Sadly it was not to be. It turns out that the evil women he had always desired while he was hatching his next evil scheme were fiercely independent and not looking to settle down. So he did the next best thing, he adopted a son and moved to the country. Over the years Doctor Shadow taught his son the simple evils of life, not to indicate while driving, always taking the last of something without asking. Those little things that make an evil family smile together.

Now that his son has gone off to university, Doctor Shadow has decided to get back into the villainy, and he's granted us the first look at his new bespoke lair.

For obvious reasons we can't show you where it is on the planet, but we can tell you that is sits upon a magnificent secluded island, but don't just take our word for it, hear about it from the creator's own mouth.

What made you pick this location for your lair?

"Well, the first thing I was looking for was a volcano, obviously, and this area is perfect for my needs. I saw a couple of other islands before this one but I didn't think I wanted the hassle of maintenance on an active volcano. It was just the right balance between tropical paradise and dank chic I was looking for."

What was your first installation when you moved in?

"I had the volcano completely redone. Top to bottom. We knocked through a tunnel from the lagoon deep enough for my submarine, it's been in dry dock since I got out of evil endeavours. We were a bit worried that the main vent wouldn't be completely blocked, but we got the surveyors in and they gave us the go ahead to flood the chamber.

The real hard work came in when we were having the sides sculpted. We wanted the main bulk of the building to be facing where our foes would be coming from, so that was the side the architect chose for the skull fascia. We're all pleased with how it came out, The observation deck is positioned on the largest floor around the eye sockets, weapons deployment from the nasal cavity, and my office is positioned in the jaw.

I'm really excited about that too. Fully armoured bunker when the jaw is in the locked position, but at the touch of a button the jaw drops and you get the stunning view out over the ocean with floor to ceiling windows and a balcony which extends out in the underbite."

Did you pick out any luxuries for yourself?

"You know, I have. [He chuckles to himself] Mad fool that I am, I needed to add a sun deck. I'm so pleased with it, it's a self contained dome on the top of the volcano. They've made it on a mechanical arm so that when we launch rockets it can be brought down and take a position on top of the buildings on the back of the island.

I've got all the mod cons in there, hot tub, fully stocked bar and kitchen, a modest library, and we slipped in a command centre just to be practical."

Have you got a favourite island defence system?

Such a tricky question... I love them all. We had a very long list of options, but in the end I picked a selection of the most effective ideas.

Obviously it was essential to have a lot of sea to air missiles positioned around the island, but one of the things that I think is always overlooked is the possibility that people jump out of distant planes and then make a water approach, so I thought under sea defences were quite important to look at.
I don't want to spoil the fun for any would-be heroes, but, they might want to rethink that approach."

You've got a lot of staff here, what provisions have you put in place for them?

"It's too easy for my evil peers to forget the people who help them build their evil empires, so I put in a suggestion box and we had a lot of discussions.

The key was on down-time as a working day is quite tough. I've got a full gym and swimming pool in the barracks, there's a full time sports scientist... I know, I know, it's a fancy term for physio. We've got an onsite doctor, and dentist, both are experts in their fields with specialities in reconstructive surgeries. A sad but necessary requirement. These "heroes" just don't care who they hurt, so I like to make sure they're taken care of. Oooh, in the actual caring sense of the word, not the [draws finger across throat] kind of way.

They've got communal areas with TVs, and at last count, around 900 channels from around the world. Pool tables, table tennis, air hockey.

I love good food, and I don't see why they should get anything less. I hired myself quite a famous chef to cook for me, and I've got him cooking for everyone on the island. He only swore at me once, but after learning I'd implanted an explosive round in his skull he was unsurprisingly very polite. I believe some of the team have started taking cooking lesson with him too... I love to see them expanding their mind... and of course the precision knife skills never hurts!"

So, tell our readers who they should be hiring it they wan't to craft their own bespoke lair.

"Oh I'd love to, but honestly there's little point. On completion I had to have them all killed [laughs lightly]. I think they really appreciated the work they put in on the piranha tanks after seeing it close up... fantastically sturdy construction. Don't look panicked, my dear. You're perfectly safe, I really wanted to get myself out on the public side of things to let people know I was back. You'll be getting home safe and sound to write your article."

Despite the ominous feeling I got as Doctor Shadow's finger hovered over what I suspected was a button that would make my chair disappear into the floor, this island is surprisingly welcoming for an evil lair. As well as the expected industrial chic of the traditional lair, there is a surprising amount of modern decor and practical living areas. Very few artistic and uncomfortable looking chairs, breaking one of the major, and historic, lair rules.

But with this whole endeavour we're treated to what must be the next stage on evil lairs. Moving away from cliche and into practical and stylish.

Since this interview, Doctor Shadow has added a water sports centre and been nominated for Best Evil Employer by the minion union, H.I.V.E.


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